12/2/07: or, “Is this the face that launched a thousand ships?”

Slowly I awake to the sound of a dog growling.

Slowly I realize that the growl is actually one not belonging to a canine, but to a man.

Quickly anger, sadness, and everything else that opposes happiness swells up inside of me.  Starting from my stomach, up through my chest, into my throat, out of my mouth.  “Grarf,” I say.

I pout.

The growling man is saying incoherent, insulting things to his woman; however, he will never know how insulting and disrespectful he is due to several factors like childhood, jail, and laziness.

I seethe.

The voice is an extraordinarily annoying one.  Monotone.  Robotic.  Perhaps it won’t be immoral of me to murder him in cold blood.  “Tim, why would you murder another man who never did anything to you?”  To which I would say, “Well, I thought he was a robot.”

This very simple and witless line of thought satisfies my groggy mind and so I get up, open my door, and lovingly strangle the poor fellow.

I win.

I feel pretty rotten about it all at this point so I apologize half-heartedly to his woman, pee, and then head for the hills.  This depresses me because I know there are no hills nearby.

Eventually the police catch up.  I punched one firmly in the head, grabbed for his gun but ironically ended up with his hand cuffs instead.  I shrug, smile awkwardly, and assume the position.

Somehow my my cell-mate is my cat.  He smothers me in my sleep.

I suppose today was a pretty foul day.