Last Call for Rodney Dylan

The last Rodney Dylan story I posted was one of the first times I gave the poor guy life and a mind of his own. The very short story that follows this introduction is probably one of the last times I wrote about Rodney. It’s incomplete because I was so unimpressed with how Rodney’s once smug, knowing personality had turned into arrogant wit for the sake of wit. I feel that it’s probably better this way. I feel that if I try writing about Rodney at this point that he will be completely out of control and will probably have severed all ties with the Lauren Z.

The biggest problem with this piece is that it takes place when Rodney first meets Lauren; however, his mind has drastically changed since the encounter in the college cafeteria. So on the time line it’s meant to precede everything that’s happened between Rodney and Lauren, but Rodney’s mind is on the end of the time line. I ask that you ignore this continuity error, but I kind of like it even though it was never my intention for it to have turned out this way. Blame Rodney, not me.

This will probably be the last Rodney piece

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Rodney Dylan Meets the Lauren Z.

The florescent lights shone indifferently down on Rodney Dylan. As he stared up at the ceiling, attempting to solve a great mystery, he noticed that it may be wise to count all of the ceiling panels in the room (excluding incomplete ones that sulk in the corners of the room). But before he could do so he had to decide how he would count them: by twos, by threes? Perhaps he could count by-

“Excuse me, sir, excuse me, sir. Sir. Sir. Sir!”

Rodney winked at the ceiling because he had made a bet with it about how many times they would hear the word ’sir.’

“Why, hello,” said Rodney.

“Sir. AHEM. Sir. You are, according to the other consumers and my personal opinion, too peculiar to be standing where you are.” This person smiled at such a witty comment.

Rodney frowned. And then he smiled. And then he threw a one dollar bill at the ceiling and said, “You win, I guess.”

“Sir?” asked the person.

Rodney replied, “sir. Stir. Stir the sir and stare at the mare. What might your name be?”

“Uh, Lauren.”

“Lauren what?” asked Rodney.

“Lauren Zeem-”

“Lauren Z.! A fascinating one if I ever heard one like it. Tell me Lauren Z., what on earth are we doing in a small fountain inside of a sushi restaurant?”

“I work here. And you are disturbing the staff and consumers.”

(End)